Jealousy is a m…

Jealousy is a manifestation of inadequacy. You feel jealous because you see that someone hitting on your girl as a rival.

By that logic, the implication is that he is worthy of your girl.

And by that reasoning, it is assumed that if he is worthy, he must be – at least – on the same level as you … or even better.

The real challenge is in seeing how your girl reacts; if she acts non-chalantly .. she still believes you’re awesome. But if she shows any sign of interest … well, time to step up your game, or step out.

Má vlast: Vltava

This shit is so complicated to use now. Why not check out my tumblr?

SILENCEEEE

shit. i really have to write down whatever is in my head before they start disappearing like footprints on a beach.

my my hey hey (out of the blue)

I stood on the top deck of that water taxi watching the shrinking glimmering skyline as it pulled out from the pier. The wind is whipping cool around the edges of my face, the dying sun is bleeding orange into the sky and I was wondering nothing and nothing and nothing. And I felt nothing and nothing and nothing.

Well I suppose, I felt complacement. Satisfaction? No, an ambivalence to life that is afforded to someone who has given up on the notion of entitlement. I was not entitled to the possession of her affections; that’s why she left me. I am not entitled to the possession of her affections; that’s why she stopped feeling anything for me.

Affection from someone is a privilege. And as with all privileges, they can be given and taken without a moment’s notice. I will never understand the driving impetus of their actions, and I never will. Being left is hard, and the leaving seems easy. We take what is handed to us with a spoon full of bitter vinegar, angry at why people could have done this you, never once thinking that your own ego was lucky to have found the privilege of their affections in the first place.

I don’t feel the anger anymore. But sometimes waking up in the morning becomes a battle of self-pity when everything comes rushing in with a malicious need for revenge and destruction. Horrible, horrible, horrible.

So I watch as acceptance comes to me slowly just as the dusk swallows the sun. The moon, crescent and glowing half as bright still proudly taking it’s rightful place in the night sky. The glittering twinkle that laces the buildings of the financial district. The shiny airplane dots that take the place of stars. And the tiny glimmer of hope that starts to flicker once again in me.

Di Ye Ge Qing Chen

This year I’ve decided to remove my birthday from Facebook to see who actually remembers.

stereo love

I have deviated from my usual archetype. Oh noes! No more long black hair, tall, skinny, nice legs types for me! No sir-ree!

On a more serious note, a lot has changed in the last 4 months. My gradually declining need to be around someone constantly, my quest for aesthetic perfection and .. creativity.

Writing has always been  my primary medium for emotional expression, notwithstanding my occasional flirtation with music. I have always found this huge block, a large metaphorical lump of brick that obfuscates my artistic intention that comes with writing. There is difficulty in the sense that there is no tangibility. Prose is a nothing but a mere haze of what I really intend for you to see.

With that said, I’ve decided to take up drawing lessons. I kid you not. Perhaps I may better express myself in coming time.

remember me

16 days left with you! Kinda sad …

rocket man

Happiness wrings whatever is left of creativity from my soul. I suppose my impetus to write is heartache, soul-wrenching pain and other various emo-esque reasons. What do I have left seeing as I’m reasonably happy? In anycase, I have to write more often ++ read more. It has come to a point where I can’t even string a 4 sentence paragraph together without major backspacing, copy-cut-pasting and other various editing-esque reasons.

Svefn-g-englar

Breaking up is like sooo cliche.

slow dancing in a burning room

i hope you understand why we can’t be friends for now. i cannot pick up the pieces of my broken heart with you anywhere near me. because with you near me, i crumble every-time with hope that you’ll pick the pieces up, mend them together into a shiny new heart and tell me that you want me back.